What Happens When You Lose Your Muse?

I went to the SCBWI Melbourne gathering on Saturday afternoon and came away feeling inspired and happy after spending time with my ‘tribe’ – a wonderful group of kids’ book writers and illustrators.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAThen on Saturday night, something happened that I knew was inevitable, but it still came as a shock.

My muse, my Molly went to sleep and didn’t wake up.

I was glad she went peacefully, but was totally devastated to lose her.

Molly inspired many blog posts – so many words. She used to sit outside my study window and when the words wouldn’t come, I could look at her instead of a blank screen.

She would give me one of her gentle bleats and somehow my creative inspiration and thoughts would return.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAMolly and I have shared so much – walking Puff dog and Charlie cat, crowding around the campfire, sitting on the deck on cold mornings and watching the clouds drift over the valley.

Then there was the Molly rescue in the recent fires, the time I left the car boot open and she jumped in, and the day I found her clomping around the lounge room when somebody accidentally left the front door open.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAMolly has been so much part of my life for so long. She came to us when her previous owner was tragically killed in an accident so we’re not sure how old she was, but we estimate she was at least 12 or 13, possibly older.

IMAG2137She was a goat with a sense of adventure, a sense of humour, a sense of kindness and an excellent judge of character – she didn’t like mean people.

IMAG2168I was worried at first that the words would pass with Molly, but they haven’t. In spite of my deep sadness, I am feeling more inspired than ever to write.

Although Molly has gone, she will always be there  – not just in the stories I plan to write about her.

IMAG2163I have realised that a muse isn’t something tangible that you can see, touch and feel close to.  A muse has a spirit. A muse is in your mind and heart.  A muse is in your soul – in the place where your deepest creativity comes from.  You are connected to your muse in a way that can’t be broken.

IMAG0744Your muse never leaves you no matter what.

it’s just that sometimes you have to look harder, try a little harder to find it.

Dee

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29 thoughts on “What Happens When You Lose Your Muse?

  1. Hey Dee

    I’m sitting at my desk, so far away from you, when all I want to do is hug you. Or maybe its really to get a hug from you back, for me too because I’m crying at reading that your beautiful Molly has gone.

    Thank you for sharing Molly with us, through social media I feel like I knew Molly, even though I never met. I’m so sad she is gone. For so long you have shared her with us, that somehow, your muse Molly has silently slipped into, and become part of my life too. To me she was another person to check on and see what she was up to in your world. And I know that I’m going to miss that.

    I will miss the pictures of Molly, and the antidotes of her last mad escapade. I will miss hearing about what she had been up to.

    I’m so glad she just passed in her sleep and didn’t suffer. I’m sure that was a great comfort to you too.

    I know that Molly loved you in her goat way because you were her family, who looked after her, who treasured her, and I’m so happy that you realise that her spirit will stay with you, and continue to be your muse, because that means that your love for her is deep inside your heart, and her spirit will live on.

    Huge hugs from me to you and your family.
    Tina

  2. Dear Tina,

    Your heartfelt words mean so much to me and I know that you understand my deep sadness, and wish that I could hug you and be hugged by you too.

    Molly was, and will always be special. She was huge in my world and the world of so many others. Everyone who met Molly knew that she was special.

    Hugs from me too.
    Dee

  3. Dear Dee, I am weeping with sadness for you, yet smiling through the tears as I soak up your beautiful words of reasoning, wisdom and revelation. You know just how deeply this all resonates with me right now. Molly may be gone physically but her presence and spirit is blazing brighter than it ever has. It is hard to describe how beautiful and rightful this type of sadness is, but it is. Fare thee well Molly. Keep a smile in your heart Dee.

  4. Dear Dimity,

    I know you have gone through this kind of loss yourself recently and how hard it would have been for you to read my post. Your beautiful words and love will help me to keep a smile in my heart.

    Dee

  5. Wow, I’m so sad for you, Dee. Thank you for sharing Molly with us all this time. I’m so sorry for your loss. I hope you find comfort and peace. She will always be in your heart and will be there when you really need her. She will always be your muse. Hang in there and I send you all my love and many hugs.

    Deb

  6. Hi Dee. So sorry you’ve lost Molly, but I’m glad that her spirit lives on. I also have a Molly – a dog, who’s not much of a muse, but great company and so, so loyal. I hope Charlie and Puff do their bit to fill in the gap left by Molly. All the best to you. Julie x

  7. Thinking of you Dee. Our pets are part of who we are and they bring such joy and comfort. I’m sure Molly had a brilliant life with you and your family.

  8. I’m thinking of you, Dee. Your Molly was such a lucky goat to be so loved and well cared for and a part of your family. You will miss her but her adventurous spirit will live on in your memories and in your heart.

  9. Well that had me in tears. I loved seeing and hearing about Molly and I bet she was a dear little character. I am really sorry that you have lost a special friend and want you to know that I am thinking of you (and Molly). It won’t be the same without her but gosh she would have had a rich and loved life.

  10. Sorry for your loss Dee, I hope the memories will be of solace. So many great moments in time connected to such a character, nobody can take those away from you, especially not since you’ve pinnen them down in stories.

  11. Dear Dee,

    😦 The kids and I are really sad for you. The kids feel that losing Molly is like losing an old friend. We hope that Molly will one day smile at you and send you a muse that you will grow to love.We hope that the little empty space in your heart soon fills with warm memories that replaces any of the sadness that you are feeling.

    hugs to you
    xxxx J and the kids xxxx

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